If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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