Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize