hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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