party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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