after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
