we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
