I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
