So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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