The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can i not drive my cunt home
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize