my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
