11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
