There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
