You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
