Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
