No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
