happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
