so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
