I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
