the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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