I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
