Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
