I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
