Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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