Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In America we eat man semen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
