Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
