I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize