Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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