Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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