I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
