Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
