The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And then he peed in my hair
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