i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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