I can tuck mytits in my pants
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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