oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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