i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
