in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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