I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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