Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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