last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
