Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
