A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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