My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
