So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
