If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
