dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
