Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
