My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she peed on how many people?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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