i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
