people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
