Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
