we have pet lesbian snakes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
