i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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