I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
