I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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