2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
