i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
