Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
