haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
