i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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