He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
