You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
