how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
