he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
