you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
