and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
