her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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