Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
